Advice, Body Image And Confidence, Dating and Relationships, Self Care, Self Improvement

Honesty and Acceptance is What Will Heal the Hurt in a Broken Relationship

What I say here may not apply to you, but it is what has helped me heal and feel better in a romantic relationship that didn’t work. I hope something helps you.

The first thing I had to do was be brutally honest with myself about why the relationship was not working and if it could be saved.

In my case, I was trying to fit myself into a lifestyle that did not fit my values and ethics. I did this over and over again, always with the same result of me running away. I loved him but I didn’t love how he was living and it did not fit with the way I live. The way he lived produced distrust from me; I could never trust that he would make a good decision when it came to me. I thought love could conquer all and eventually it would get better. There were times I’d try to communicate with him about it and we always hit a brick wall. After a lot of hurt, a lot of toxicity was created. I had to be brutally honest with myself that who he is was never going to fit in with who I am and every time we were together it ended up bringing us both down. There was no solution.

Being honest with myself about this helped me let go. When I was delusional about it having a chance to work, I was in a constant state of anxiety, stress and longing. To the point my life was not working in all areas. I couldn’t focus on anything but the relationship so everything else suffered. I didn’t notice when something else good happened in my life. I was on auto-pilot with the toxicity of that relationship running every day.

It still was not easy to let go, but each day I moved forward knowing I had done all I could do and the more I tried, the more toxic it got. I didn’t want to feel so low anymore.

I finally got to the point where things started working in my life. I was focused on myself, my goals, passions, family. I was not carrying around the anxiety, stress and longing anymore and was beginning to feel hope, joy and contentment.

We were simply incompatible and I stopped taking it personally. It was no one’s fault. I fell in love with his personality, but that can’t solve incompatibilities.

Whenever the hurt and overthinking came up, I’d tell myself that it was a waste of time and to focus on something that would bring me up. To be honest, the hurt and overthinking still comes up to this day, but it is less frequent and easier to get myself onto a better track.

Accepting the truth about the situation is what finally set me free. There were times I broke up with him and I was angry that he wouldn’t change his lifestyle so we’d fit better. The key here is that he is an alcoholic and struggles. Some people are able to beat the addiction, while some are not ready or never do. This is also something I had to accept. I have compassion for how he struggles and the consequences that result from his drinking. I still miss him and may always miss him, but contact with him only brings back the hurt.

What I write here does not only apply to alcoholism and addiction. I know someone that currently went through a similar situation but not related to addiction. Her truth was that he was not able or willing to commit to her. When she was honest with herself and knew she did everything she could to communicate what she needed and he still could not commit, she was able to let go and begin healing.

When we cling on hoping for change or trying to turn ourselves into something we are not in the name of love, it prevents us from healing. It keeps us stuck in the hurt. It is better to be honest with ourselves so we can move forward to circumstances that bring joy, hope and contentment. It is not an easy road and takes time but as long as you continue to be honest with yourself and make decisions accordingly, it gets easier. Don’t let yourself fall back into a vicious cycle and have to start over. There is something better on the road ahead.

I’ve always placed romantic love as a priority in my life to the point it has distracted me from other things that bring contentment and are within my control, like my goals and passions. Romantic love is not within our control. Who a person is is not within our control. I do still want romantic love, but I will never try to force it again and I will always be discerning about who I let into my life.

There were red flags with him in the very beginning, but I overlooked them because he could be so charming and attentive… like no other man I’d ever met. But charm and attentiveness cannot overcome broken promises, plans being changed based on who was drinking, feeling used as a loneliness filler when no one else was around and many other problems associated with the effects of alcoholism. It can’t overcome someone being unwilling to commit, as in the person I know’s situation. What are your dealbreakers? If a person is displaying them, walk away before your life is in shambles. Don’t stay just because the person has some good qualities. Many people know this and apply it to their life, but some of us did not learn how to discern in our upbringing or other traumatic things happened that gave us low self worth thinking we need to settle. Sometimes people get desperate for a relationship because everyone else seems to have one or we don’t like feeling alone. But a relationship with incompatibilites only brings you down. Craving a relationship when it’s not happening only brings you down. Appreciate what’s in front of you and make the best of it. That is probably when a loving compatible relationship will appear in your life.

Warmly,

Monica

Here are a few of the products available with my art printed on them (by clicking an item you like, it will take you to the page where it’s available). They’d make great gifts to yourself or someone you love and would help support my dream of becoming a full-time writer and artist. Any purchase would be SO appreciated, but if you don’t want to or can’t, that’s totally fine. Just stopping by and reading my blog is a huge support.

Sexy Red Lips Face Mask featuring the painting Sexy Red Lips by Monica Resinger
Sexy Red Lips Face Mask
Dog Face Face Mask featuring the painting Dog Face by Monica Resinger
Dog Face

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28 thoughts on “Honesty and Acceptance is What Will Heal the Hurt in a Broken Relationship”

  1. Absolutely! And I have found out the hard way that forgiveness is many times so hard to offer but we always expect it to be so readily available when it’s our turn or the one who needs to be! Mother always told us “it takes two to tango!” Perhaps the wise words from Scriptures saying “it’s better to give than to receive” should apply always in matters of the heart; this approaches unconditional love! 😉🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Forgiveness can be tough. It takes a willingness to see the other person’s side of the story which can feel impossible when we are hurt. My mom used to say the same thing – ‘it takes two to tango’. In an ego-based world, unconditional love is a challenge. I hope someday I can master it. At least I’m aware of it and work towards it as much as possible. Good to hear from you Lawrence! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      1. 🙂Hey how are ya again! Great thoughts and yea our Mom’s always said it like it is which is awesome now looking back! Thank God they did we were blessed; holy cow I see some of the parents running around these days and I pity the poor children in tow! Then those poor babies have schools they attend, systems that are full of poison and evil with school boards that run extreme leftist agendas to indoctrinate. And there are just some really messed up administrators and teachers these days!

        Not a healthy environment for so many children and I wish it was so much better for them! We pray meanwhile.

        Unconditional love from a person who says they love you is not happening these days both sexes are much more selfish than in past generations as well as materialistic. Sorry that good thing is ruined in more ways than one; but yes, I believe it is possible but rare as it gets! Nobody is willing to even do the work and hang in to make it happen anyway!

        Lovely world!
        God bless ya.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Lawrence! I am glad my 2 kids are grown and I am not raising them in these times. I would not choose to have children with all the current problems of the world.

        Regarding unconditional love. The last person I was with ‘loved’ me because he loved the love I gave him. He didn’t care about who I was or what mattered to me. He only loved how I made him feel. Yes, selfishness. I am not perfect either, but when I am in relationship with someone I tend to give to them and want to add to their life, not take everything I can get because they are a giver.

        God bless you too. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Hi and copy that Monica, 10-4! You know from experience and now seeing the dynamics at work in the world it’s a fright to think of bringing them into this forlorn trajectory with all of its uncertainties and the crud they actually want to stuff into their little innocent minds in school now too; indoctrination and wickedness! From what I remember as a child in elementary school this is all upside down and inside out raw garbage and sewage now; no way Jose would I put them into that wacky scenario!

        Selfishness is the order of the day its standard fare now! But what you said about having to make someone feel good that’s so weird the way people talk that way! Like the article I republished speaking to these attitudes or the mindset some millennials have about morality; is if it feels good it’s good! These people have no basis of sound judgment and character let alone any faith in the Almighty! Lost as can be as I see!

        Thank you for the clear perspective and wisdom! This is always enjoyable to see and hear from others!
        God bless you and yours! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I agree, things were much different when I was in elementary school, and we even prayed! This was public school! I think that is a lot of the problem – God has been taken out of the equation.

        The selfishness of these times is a very sad thing. Hoping it will change at some point.

        God bless you and yours too! 🙂

        Like

  2. We can influence people but we can’t change them. Any meaningful change has to be their decision otherwise it won’t stick. Also, addictions involve a lot of denial. Breaking the habit is such hard work and needs a very deep and genuine commitment.
    It’s hard to be honest, as you were here, but it sounds like you did the right thing. Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. There are times when you just have to let go for your own good. Being ready to accept and forgive ourselves and others is a great step toward healing and total self love.
    Amazing post, I totally agree with you!!🙌🏽✨

    Liked by 1 person

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