Being Single And Happy, Dating and Relationships, Self Care, Self Improvement, Uncategorized

Covid19 Brought The Energy Vampires Out. I Deserve Better.

Two days ago I got a message from a guy I used to date wanting to ‘cuddle’.

Yesterday I got a message from my ex-boyfriend.

I’m not entertaining either one because both men have toxic qualities and are in the past for a reason.

I’m trying to heal my childhood issues that led me to dating men with toxic qualities and I do believe progress has been made because I have no desire for either of these men anymore.

I believe they contacted me due to their loneliness and not being able to live their normal toxic lifestyle with the stay-home order. They cannot handle being alone. I’d rather be chosen for other reasons – like I’m the full package deal.

I’m not here to relieve anyone’s loneliness. I’m here to be in relationship with people that offer mutual care, support, friendship and love. These men have not been here for me and were not there for me when I was seeing them – they were energy vampires – and out of the blue want to get intimate? What a joke. For me, anyway. I do understand there are people that are ok with only getting their sexual needs met and there’s nothing wrong with it if that is your thing. It’s just not my thing.

Yes, progress has been made in healing my childhood issues because it wasn’t that long ago that I probably would have settled for being treated as a loneliness filler. I probably would not have even recognized (or ignored) they were trying to fill a void and I would have been thrilled with the bread crumbs of attention, especially during this time with the social distancing and living by myself.

Nope, not anymore. Been through too much chaos, heartache and misery due to my poor decisions when it comes to accepting bad behavior from men. I’ve also been happier than ever following my passions, dreams and goals.

I deserve better.

One last thought, what are singles doing about their dating life during social distancing? This is the first I thought about it. I’ve not been thinking about romance and dating at all until this. Seems people would not want to be risking getting or spreading the virus, but are they? Does anyone know? It was another thought I had with these two contacts – how do I know if you’ve been protecting yourself and not carrying the virus anyway?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Hope everyone is healthy and safe.

~ Monica

Here are a few of the products available with my art printed on them (by clicking an item you like, it will take you to the page where it’s available). They’d make great gifts to yourself or someone you love and would help support my dream of becoming a full-time writer and artist. Any purchase would be SO appreciated, but if you don’t want to or can’t, that’s totally fine. Just stopping by and reading my blog is a huge support so please do not feel obligated.

Pompon Dahlias Art Print featuring the painting Pompon Dahlias by Monica Resinger
Pompon Dahlias Art Print
Pig Painting Art Print featuring the painting Playful Pig by Monica Resinger
Playful Pig Art Print
Floral Tote Bag featuring the painting Colorful Flowers by Monica Resinger
Colorful Flowers Tote Bag
Pink Black Whimsical Kitty Cat Polka Dot Grey Blue Eyes Painting Colorful Vibrant Fun Tote Bag featuring the painting Whimsical Black Pink Floral Kitty Cat by Monica Resinger
Whimsical Pink Black Floral Kitty Tote Bag
Ladybug Tote Bag featuring the painting Lucky Ladybug On 4-leaf Clover by Monica Resinger
Lucky Ladybug Tote Bag
Whimsical Art Print featuring the painting Purple Kitty With Blue Stripes In Moonlight by Monica Resinger
Moonlight Kitty Art Print
Lighthouse Art Print featuring the painting Whimsical Pink Rose Floral Lighthouse by Monica Resinger
Rose Lighthouse Art Print
Lighthouse Art Print featuring the painting Whimsical Purple Lighthouse by Monica Resinger
Purple Lighthouse Art Print
Kitty Tote Bag featuring the painting Pink Kitty Cat With Black Eyed Susans by Monica Resinger
Floral Kitty Tote Bag
Lighthouse Art Print featuring the painting Green And White Tropical Lighthouse by Monica Resinger
Tropical Lighthouse Art Print
Whimsical Art Print featuring the painting Whimsical Black White Lighthouse by Monica Resinger
Black & White Lighthouse Art Print
Kitty Throw Pillow featuring the painting Whimsical Black White Kitty Cat by Monica Resinger
Black & White Kitty Throw Pillow
Tree Frog Tote Bag featuring the painting Tree Frog by Monica Resinger
Tree Frog Tote Bag
White Wolf Impressionism Art Painting Animal Forest Snow Woods Wildflife Art Print featuring the painting White Wolf Impressionism by Monica Resinger
White Wolf Art Print

31 thoughts on “Covid19 Brought The Energy Vampires Out. I Deserve Better.”

  1. I think staying far away from toxic relationships is a great choice. And developing self-love is key to healing. Not that I’m saying you don’t love yourself, but we could all (me included) get a bigger dose of it in our lives and it seems like now’s the time. And the circumstances are ripe for it. By the way, your pig painting reminds me of Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web whom I really liked! 🙂 Great paintings!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I totally agree with everything you say about self love. It’s been a huge lesson for me that becomes clearer all the time.

      My mom also thought the pig reminded her of the pig on Charlotte’s web. I didn’t intend for it, but kinda cool it turned out that way. Thank-you for the compliment on the paintings 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Glad you stuck up for yourself. The fact that they would reach out to you in this time asking for physical contact shows a lot of immaturity on their part. A big part of growing up is being able to find contentment wherever you are in terms of relationship. (I’m happily married, but I’m grateful for the years I spent learning to be happily single, they really developed me as a person.)

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I was single for the first 21 years of my life and didn’t have a boyfriend during that time. You find other ways to stay busy and distract yourself with hobbies and activities you enjoy. I think that a lot of people are afraid of being alone because it’s uncomfortable. Your ex boyfriends probably don’t know how to be single or haven’t spent enough time being single to learn self-acceptance.

    I have a friend who is 29 and has been single her entire life. She recently tried dating sites after complaining to time after time about how lonely she was. I asked her the other day if she’s been seeing people during COVID-19 and her answer was “nope.”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love your comment: “I’m not here to relieve anyone’s loneliness. I’m here to be in relationship with people that offer mutual care, support, friendship and love.” How true that is!!! People who only want us when they’re lonely aren’t really looking for a relationship. They are looking for someone they can use to meet their needs of the moment. It isn’t mutual and it isn’t for the long term. Well said.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I appreciate your insights into the value and validity of yourself and the 2 relationships that are in your past.
    Self worth and your knowledge of your own self worth is vital in being in any relationship and having been in a toxic relationship myself and leaving once and going back it left me in a worse situation.
    I am grateful that you recognise your self worth and didn’t succumb to the temptation that sometimes the past reawakens and familiarity is often seen to be a security blanket.
    Stay safe and well during these difficult times ahead 🤗 ♥️ 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I went back to that one boyfriend too many times to count and it was very damaging to my entire life – so it’s not like I knew better and was wise after one break-up. But I did learn how damaging it is to go back to toxicity hoping it will change over and over again and that I was not demonstrating self worth/care/love. Thankfully the last break up with him gave me enough time to get my sense back and some healing so I am strong like wonder woman now, lol. That relationship is what inspired this blog. I was hoping to help other people that have been in similar situations.
      Hope all is well with you. 🙂

      Like

      1. I think that you did a very worthwhile blog and allowed others to see the stronger woman that you are having been through those experiences.
        I have been married 4 times and in each of my marriages I have left and gone back to the extent that 1 of my therapists thought that it was because I really don’t like the feeling of being alone and I think that there is some value in that.
        I am so glad that you have built up your strength and self esteem to be able to make choices that I never could.
        Take care and stay safe and well 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Break-ups are really hard and at first feel like there’s nothing to life anymore because we’re so used to that other person being there, even if the relationship went toxic. It can be so hard to adjust and then we go through all the remembering of the good times and good things about the person and question if breaking up was even the right thing to do. I think that is what causes us to go back. Your therapist was probably right, because anyone who’s been in a relationship will experience a hard time being alone, but that is temporary. But if we can push through, a much better time eventually comes if we do the healing work. Peace and following our passions as opposed to drama, drama, drama with a few good times sprinkled in. Also, I think that a lot of us forget to keep our own sense of self when in relationship, so when break-up happens, we literally do not know what to do with ourselves. All that with the heartbreak is a really hard thing and keeps us going back to something that didn’t work. There’s also the hope that things will change. So much to it. In my case, I eventually realized all the going back and forth was really emotionally damaging me and my life was going to shambles. That is how I finally put an end to it. Hope all is well 🙂

        Like

    1. Thank-you so much – that is so good to hear when I haven’t always been that way, not on purpose, but I just didn’t know. It shows I’ve made progress, thank goodness because I never want to experience relationships like that again. ❤

      Like

  6. Well-crafted thoughts, Monica.

    In the broadest sense, dating is a risky proposition at present, as close physical contact is a bad idea, especially among people who probably know very little of one another. In this special case though, Cupid will be decoyed, though likely not ultimately, denied.

    As for your specific case, Monica, well played. In these exes’ minds, the relationship never moved beyond the initial infatuation stage, and you were smart to resist their offers. After all, you look forward to being half of a couple, not a solo service provider. No wonder they’re exes.

    I hope that didn’t come across as being ancient-ish. I mean, I really don’t think I’m that old. Just experienced enough to recognize relationships offer much more than just 9th-grade obsessions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No you didn’t come off as ancientish at all! But that’s coming from someone who is probably ancient and would like ancient dating practices like courting to come back. But it seems we have to accept that dating is probably not going to be what it used to be. That’s ok because I’m finally at a place of experiencing personal fulfillment on my own and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

      I’m with you on dating being too risky right now. I’ve even made my weekly visits with my daughter into phone visits because I feel being around ANYONE is a risk and it’s also just another chance it will spread.

      Hope all is well with you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Love love the lighthouse with the Rose’s and big sun!! And really enjoyed your post. You definitely deserve better and am so glad posted about that topic! Cant wait to read more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve actually never been in a relationship before, but tons of girls used to be into me back in the day. Not to brag, of course. After love screwed me over twice I pretty much avoided the idea and turned down all possible lovers.

    I do, however, have a gut feeling on what my soulmate will be like: A kind and bubbly young African-American woman with curly hair and a British accent. And I just haven’t met her yet.

    Anyway, great post and an even greater job standing up against those toxic relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you on getting screwed over and turning down all possible lovers. I’m not quite at the giving up point but feel extremely selective and not accepting anyone that hints at not having integrity. I wish you luck on your ideal soulmate showing up. She sounds delightful.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Good for you Sis. Stay strong. I don’t know what makes me like who I like. I’d like to think that my daddy. My grand daddy and a host of uncles loved me dearly. My granny always taught me my worth. Modeling made me feel pretty all the time but my relationships have all been with men that have lustful spirit. The man I want now I just believe he’s incapable of loving me back due to his PTSD. But we have 25 years of history.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It took me a long time to figure out why I was attracted to men that aren’t good for me, and who knows, maybe all that’s wrong and it’s simply looks and lust. But, I was raised in dysfunction and did not learn my worth til later in life, so that explains some of why I settled for bad behavior in the past… I didn’t even know it was bad behavior because I was used to that sort of behavior from my father. I could go on an on about this subject because it’s been the main focus for the past couple years.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I’m praying women all over the world to be authentic with themselves and deal with their issues. I started down this path in 2017. I started blogging about in 2018. Thus my post speaks mainly to women. Except with get real with ourselves we can’t heal and be the greatness we’re designed to be. 🥰🥰

        Liked by 1 person

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