Advice, Being Single And Happy, Dating and Relationships, Self Care

Don’t Lose Yourself in a Toxic Relationship

In your relationship, do you feel confused, exhausted, anxious, unbalanced, used, drained, unstable and stressed sometimes or most of the time?

Do you overthink or do things you don’t want all to help the relationship work?

Does your partner show love, consideration and affection sometimes, but most of the time their actions show they are only about their needs and they don’t care about yours?

When a relationship is not equally invested in, it creates imbalance.

Many times the partner that is more invested will pick up the slack in an effort to help the relationship work.

This partner is continuously hoping to bring back more of the times when the relationship felt loving and mutual.

Sometimes this partner doesn’t even realize they fell into doing this.

Until they reach a point of extreme exhaustion, depression or a health issue.

This person realizes they have been putting most of their energy into trying to make this relationship work and they don’t even know who they are, what their goals are or what they like to do anymore.

They realize the relationship is one-sided for whatever reason – sometimes due to an addiction, sometimes due to a personality disorder, or simply because the relationship fell into a cycle where one is giving more than the other.

Hopefully the person will become aware of the cycle at a point where communication can happen and things can be remedied.

But sometimes the person should examine and reflect on the situation and why it is happening because it may be an issue they need to leave behind because the other person is who they are and they have no plans on changing.

We should always accept who people are, rather than trying to change them, or hoping they’ll change.

If they are an addict or a narcissist for example. Usually these people are not open to communicating and compromising.

The minute the other person speaks up is the minute they get gaslighted (told they are crazy or get the situation turned around on them).

This is when the other person needs to consider leaving the relationship.

It can still be very hard to leave because you love the other person and hope that things will get better.

But by staying in the relationship when they refuse to compromise and blame everything on you, only enables them to continue being selfish and neglecting or mistreating you.

The cycle of confusion, exhaustion, anxiety, overthinking, being unbalanced, feeling used and stressed then continues.

But when a person can leave this cycle and focus on self care, eventually all their passions and goals come back, and when they do, it feels so good.

There’s nothing to drag you down anymore and you can focus on your life and becoming whole and healthy.

There’s peace, health, joy, freedom and love waiting for you if you can leave the roller coaster ride of a toxic relationship.

By staying in a toxic relationship, all your energy will be used either trying to fix it, or being upset that you are always picking up the slack and never considered by the other person.

There’s no room for personal growth because toxic relationships suck the life out of you.

It may feel impossible to let this person go, especially if you’ve been repeating a pattern of trying to fix things for a long time.

You may have a fantasy about who this person is.

You may feel this person is your only answer to happiness.

This thinking is so wrong and I invite you to really examine what’s going on.

When you see it, write it down and work on changing your perspective to what is REALLY going on.

Don’t base it on when you first met them and they did some great thing to impress you.

Base it on how they’ve been treating you all along.

There’s always going to be some good times in every relationship, and good things about every person.

But we can’t stay with someone because once in a while they do something nice but the rest of the time it’s all about them.

How do you feel around this person? Does this person support and respect you, or do they only think about themselves?

Be very truthful with yourself about what is actually going on and work at accepting that.

Being with a person that does not care about you or your feelings and only cares about theirs is life-draining.

Why would we devote our lives to somebody like this and give up everything that brings us happiness?

Warmly, Monica

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35 thoughts on “Don’t Lose Yourself in a Toxic Relationship”

    1. It was 23 years for me in a toxic/narcissistic marriage. I did realize that I needed to do something to save my own life and eventually the way was clear to leave, but it also was very, very hard to do.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. THAT IS ABSOLUTLEY TRUE, and I really feel with You! I known this all Too good. Congratulations that you succeeded. Best wishes for U in 21. And at all, last but not least, this experience makes you Stronger every day. Each day a bit better….

        Liked by 3 people

  1. You wrote true, honest and abslutley realistic. Manipulations came like a crawling glacier, to slow to realize them, at last. Well the time is now, to start new and no more time to waste, Great written !

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Monica, it is so nice to read your post today. You have talked about a situation that touches a lot of us, especially women, but not always. Giving too much in a relationship to keep it peaceful, but so out of balance and one sided. My second marriage was like this and I seem to have carried this learned behaviour of being the peace keeper and always the one putting in the effort to keep a relationship going. I have finally stopped doing this and let the chips fall where they may. Sending you hugs and lots of love. A very happy new year 2021

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I also have that learned behavior of keeping the peace, but thankfully I notice it now. It’s hard when it’s someone you’re very attracted to and they can be wonderful at rare times…. it keeps you looped in thinking the wonderfulness is going to come back, but they continue to act selfishly most of the time, never considering your feelings and when you try to communicate, they call you crazy.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I like this insight. I’ve never regretted leaving toxicity behind. I feel happy and content in a way I never could before. I hope your words inspire other people to evaluate their truthful experiences amidst the gaslighting and manipulation. Thank you for writing this so logically.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank-you for stopping by! After too much time spent in a toxic relationship, I also feel happy and content in a way I never could before. I was thrilled to get enough sleep and feel rested. I mention that because that was the simplest thing. There are so many more ways I feel happy and content simply because I appreciate them more after having gone through the stress and anxiety of a toxic relationship.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Honest communication is important. If every conversation turns into a conflict rather than discussion, then something needs to change. Thankfully, I have so many positive relationships in my life I don’t think I’ve ever been in one like you describe here. And you say so well that we need to be honest and write down how it REALLY is. It’s tough to remove the fantasy lens and see reality, because that can hurt.

    Thank you for sharing, and encouraging such positive discussion on a very difficult topic. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You must be doing something right in the relationship arena if you have never been in one like this. I’m glad you haven’t experienced it – it’s very difficult to go through, but the pain makes you learn and thus improve relationship skills.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, reading this took me back to several years with someone. Still recovering, as I try to find who I was before as I became a different person and hate it. Weirdly I began blogging after we split to try and process my thoughts and it helped somewhat. Glad to see I’m not alone reading these comments!

    Liked by 1 person

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