Advice, Self Care, Self Improvement, Uncategorized


Been using much of my energy on fillers.

Doing things that steal my inspiration and waste time.

I go to work, come home, eat and straighten the house, then watch Youtube.

This past week I’ve been on vacation.  Actually a staycation. I let myself go to the casino and since I won a little money I did some retail therapy.

But my intention for this vacation was to get my life back in order. Instead I feel like I frittered it away on unproductive things.

This has not been fulfilling at all.  I want to get back to feeling excited and inspired. Taking actions towards my dreams.

But I haven’t had the energy or inspiration.

I’ve been going through a couple things in my life that require healing and I think the fillers are a way to avoid the emotional pain, or at least space it out.

We need to feel the pain to heal.

Thankfully I’ve been going through this filler thing for a couple months now, spacing the pain out. Hopefully this cycle is coming to an end.

I feel in a little better space lately so I will try again today to get my mojo back.

So many things need doing. So many goals I’ve been putting off. Not sure where to start. Scattered.

But I’m going to take it easy on myself because I know I’m where I should be and it’s getting better.

Slowly I’ll work myself out of this mess and get my life back in order and working towards my dreams. It feels a little overwhelming right now.

But I do feel I’ll begin to make progress now since I am feeling better.

Just wanted to share in case anyone can relate.  If you have thoughts or advice on this, please share in the comments. Thank-you!

~ Monica



9 thoughts on “Scattered”

  1. If your heart, mind, and soul need to find distraction through instant gratification and fun things ~ well that’s what you’l have to do until you are ready to face up to and deal with whatever is really wrong.
    The casino and retail therapy aren’t so bad, you might have chosen much darker ways to feed whatever turns you on enough to take your mind off your true issues. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I’m sort of disappointed in how I’ve been acting, but at the same time giving myself a break because I’m doing the best I can. Maybe instant fun was needed. Not sure, but I did it and should stop regretting it. Just want to get out of this funk and feel functional again, lol

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yet somehow, Monica, those distractions don’t prevent you from realizing there’s a better, grander and more permanent purpose for you.

    What is it? Right now your guess is as good as mine, though you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing, you’re exploring and expanding your universe. Keep these conversations going – soon we may find something useful, both for you and for us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Since I wrote that yesterday I had the thought that maybe the distractions were needed to space the pain I was purging out. Also, I’m feeling so much better today, like I’ve finally healed the issue. Hopefully, who knows, it may creep up again.

      I know my grander more permanent purpose is to write and paint. To stay focused when other things in life happen is the challenge.

      Seems like writing, food and cooking is your thing – I know I really enjoy your writing and it’s so well written.

      I always enjoy your comments – they get me thinking 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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