Thoughts On Death, Healing and Being Of Service To Others

I have learned that service helps not only others, but yourself.  I have two recent examples.

My mom was declining from Cancer and it was her wish to die at home.  I was the only one in the family that was ‘strong’ enough mentally and physically to be able to help her fulfill her wish.  I wouldn’t really say I was strong because I struggled very much with it all the way through, but I did push through and she transitioned at home about a month and a half ago.  It was THE most challenging thing I ever went through.  Thankfully my daughter voluntarily came in to also help and together we were stronger.  I will be forever grateful to her for helping me and her grandparents. The gift in all of this is that because I was with my mom all the way through her transition, it seemed to help me more naturally accept what was happening rather than just getting a shocking phone call that leads to heartbreak and regrets.  I know I did everything I could for her in the end, even though I haven’t always been the perfect daughter and it helps me be able to let go easier.  I love my mom dearly and feel I did all I could for her in the end.  I’m still trying to make sense of all of this, but right now that is what I’m feeling.

Then, there’s my dad.  They had been married 59 years and were codependently close.  He’s 78.  I was so scared he’d commit suicide or die from grief, and he did talk some suicide talk and, I’d never seen my dad cry, but after my mom’s death I saw him cry every day, multiple times per day.  It was truly heartbreaking.  He needed help with chores and I knew it was my purpose to support him through this difficult time.  I went over there every day for a while, doing the chores and just being there to listen to him and give support where I could.  I now go over every other day because he seems to be much better.  He’s not crying anymore and actually talks about things he’d like to do, like join a gun club.  My dad and I have had a rocky relationship because he’s controlling and can be a large bully to get what he wants or prove his point.  It seems he has completely transformed through this to a humble kind father and I can feel much healing going on between us.  

I have struggled for years with my relationship with my parents and being of service to them through this difficult time has helped us all heal certain things.  To be more at peace with my parents is huge.  

This is some of what service has taught me.  

Monica

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