Advice, Body Image And Confidence, Dating and Relationships, Self Care, Self Improvement, Uncategorized

Beauty Is About Character, Not Outward Appearance

When we think of beauty, we probably think of some movie star that has a ‘perfect’ body and looks drop-dead gorgeous.  Each one of us probably has a movie star we wish we could look like.  This outward beauty can be part of the equation, but it doesn’t have to be. You do not have to look like a movie star to be beautiful and I’m hopefully going to prove this to you.

First of all, movie stars are made up to give the perfect image to help a movie make as much money as possible.  They have make-up artists, hair stylists and trainers, and then once on the screen they are touched up with computer effects.  They are given scripts to learn to be the perfect person for the role.  They are not real.

There is nothing wrong with wearing or not wearing make-up.  There is nothing wrong with styling your hair or not styling your hair.  There is nothing wrong with working out or not working out.  There is nothing wrong with having a great wardrobe and there is nothing wrong with preferring to dress comfortably.

Real beauty is a spirit.  I have met women that don’t wear makeup, or style their hair or workout that are beautiful.  I have met women that do wear makeup, style their hair and workout that are beautiful. I have met men that prioritize grooming and wardrobe that are ‘beautiful’ (yes, the word is feminine, but it can apply to men too), but I have also met men that do not prioritize these things that are beautiful.

Think about all the people you know.  On first impression they were either attractive or not attractive to your eye, but as you got to know them, they became either more or less attractive depending on their characteristics.  Beauty is not about outward looks, and when it is, the judgment is coming from someone that is purely in their ego. They judge based on outward looks only and all the other things that can make a person attractive is overlooked.

Some of the most beautiful people I know do not care about their outward looks and if in a crowd would not be picked out as beautiful.

What are the common denominators of beautiful people?

For one, they are comfortable in their own skin.  They accept their looks and like them whether overweight, skinny, tall, short, with or without makeup, with or without a great wardrobe or any outward tool to help them ‘look’ better.

These beautiful people also have integrity and are genuine.  They do their best in life. They are not perfect, none of us are, but for the most part they try to do the right thing.  When they goof and make a bad decision, it actually adds to their realness.

Beautiful people are kind and considerate.  They will go out of the way to open doors for people, they’ll smile and say hi, they’ll strike up conversation out of genuine interest, they’ll hug when someone needs a hug.

Beautiful people are humble.  Sometimes they live in a beautiful home or have a beautiful car, sometimes they live in an unattractive apartment and own an unattractive car.  It all depends on that person’s preferences.  But in all these situations, a person can still be humble, genuine, kind, considerate, have integrity and confident in who they are.

On the other hand I have met people that are ‘ugly’, not because of their outward looks, but because of their ugly spirit.  They don’t care about others and are only about themselves.  They judge people on their looks or some other flaw.  They take advantage of people.  They are greedy.  They are conceited.  They brag.  They are not genuine and don’t act in integrity.  They lie and cheat. On first appearance, they can be the best looking thing you ever laid your eyes on, but after getting to know them, they actually look downright ugly and are a major turn-off.

In the end, it is about the whole package, not just about appearance and what the eye sees.  There may be some who think this is b.s. and trying to make less attractive people feel better, but take some time to think on these things and all the people you know. Even in the movies you see this.  Many women wanted Forest Gump in the end.  In the beginning of Game of Thrones, when Jamie pushed Bran out the window – a very good looking man, but UGLY. Tyrean, Jamie’s midget brother, attractive because of noble qualities.

Around eight years ago, I hadn’t fully understood this, and there was a man that I was not physically attracted to that persistently pursued me.  I only wanted friendship because I was not attracted, and I would not date him.  One time he convinced me to go out with him and two other people we both knew, a man and a woman that also considered each other friends, so I felt more comfortable.  We went to see comedy and had dinner beforehand.  When I got there, he had a red rose on my place setting and had dressed in a suit.  I got a bit uncomfortable because it was too much but the rest of the night, he looked after me so well, making sure I was comfortable, winking and being silly that I felt a tiny spark.  After that night he invited me over to his house for dinner where he lived with his kids, mother and sister (they were all buying a house together, which I thought was weird at the time).  That night I got to see how well he treated his family, how he doted on me, how responsible he was and his ideas of fun (which were a lot like mine).  I noticed his muscles and confidence, and remembered how long he’d been pursuing me.  He was humble and I felt safe with him.  He had integrity.  He was kind and considerate. All of a sudden, he was attractive to me.  I fell for him because he was a good man with many great qualities. After that, I felt like I won the lottery.  He was my first lesson in what beauty really is.  He broke down my ego wall of only wanting ‘my type’ of man – tall, good looking bad-boy, which always resulted in heartbreak.

Please think about these things.  Much of our society is ego-based and only judges on looks and belongings rather that qualities.  This results in confusion and good people feeling like they don’t measure up.  Yes, we should be able to break through this on our own with confidence, but it is a big struggle when much of society thinks one way.  It can feel isolating to be different than everyone else.  It can get you questioning yourself.  Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a society where people were appreciated for all their good qualities?  Imagine the impact that would have.  Less bullying.  Less rejection.  Less violence.  More love.  More kindness and consideration.  More integrity.  Feeling safe.  More people being genuine instead of wearing a mask just to feel included. More happiness and joy.

~ Monica

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Related Articles:

Love Yourself First

Self-Love: What Is it, and How Can I Get It?

Kindness is Badass!

What is Your Version of Sexy?


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