Your gut says ‘trouble, don’t date him’
Your mind says ‘but he seemed so nice and he’s so good looking’
You date him
He wows you over with his words
He is everything you always wanted
He paid attention to everything you said
And noticed qualities no one has ever noticed
He’s attentive and pursuing you like no other
When you talk on the phone it’s for hours
And he’s going on and on about how wonderful you are
Your gut is saying ‘this is too good to be true, and you are still ignoring the big red flag’
Your mind is saying ‘but he’s showing me everything I’ve always wanted in a man’
You love the attention so decide to keep ignoring the red flag and your gut
You hope this proves to be that he is not what your gut keeps nagging you about
So you entertain it a little while longer
He reels you in with even more love bombing
You are on cloud 9 glad you didn’t listen to your gut, saying it all must have been insecurities
You finally have the relationship of your dreams
Then, he does what your gut warned you about
You are in disbelief
He’s been showing you what you’ve always wanted all along
How could this be?
You decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and stay in it because now you’ve invested time and energy and don’t want to lose this relationship that has felt so good.
Even though what he did was very hurtful and disrespectful
And he wasn’t accountable for it
You think, ‘no one is perfect, including myself’
Things are good for a little while, then it happens again
And so the cycle continues until you decide to free yourself
The longer you let this go on, the more it sucks your life away
Robs you of self esteem
He’ll tell you that you are being negative or something similar when you object to his hurtful or disrespectful actions
He’ll never take genuine responsibility for what he’s done
If you break up with him, he may come back with a fake apology just to suck you in again and you may fall for it wanting the love he showed in the beginning.
But it’s been fake from the beginning
He was winning you over to boost his own low self esteem or to fill a void in his life
He was using your light to pick himself up
The cycle is a nightmare because you can never figure it out so you’re in your head about it constantly.
There’s no space in your head to think about your passions and your life.
You get consumed in it
Cut it off and never go back as soon as you recognize he isn’t accountable, he’s done something hurtful or disrespectful, and/or there’s a red flag like drinking, drugs, other women, no job, not doing anything with his life, no hobbies, etc.
Very likely he’s toxic and if you participate, it’s showing there something you need to work on in your own life
You’ll lose yourself chasing what it was in the beginning, and if you ever break free from it, it will take a long time to recover
It was all an illusion he created for his selfish needs
The best thing to do is listen to your gut and heed the red flag in the beginning.